Welcome to the Addison Recorder‘s football Pick ‘Em column. Each week Alex and a guest writer will predict the outcome of the most intriguing games on the slate. He will try to be as expert as possible, but we make no guarantees for his guests.
This week he is joined by Ryan Halfhill and David Castellano, who are in a fantasy football league with Bean. (Editor’s Note: <runs for the hills> – Travis) (Editor’s Note: <run for your life!> -Bruce Dickinson)
No one thinks that Paul Bunyan will be leaving East Lansing.
Michigan at #11 Michigan State
Bean: I don’t wanna talk about it. Spartans by JUST FUCKING FIRE HOKE AND BRANDON ALREADY!
Castellano: Like the rest of college football, I am still looking for a sport to enjoy on Saturday, but If I need to pick a winner in a blowout…. Condoms (Spartans)… by a load!
Halfhill: Normally, I’d say there needs to be someone to play devil’s advocate, but there is no way that I see the Rabid Woodchucks pulling off an upset in this one. Spartans by 16. That accounts for a SAFETY.
Has Brutus been attacked by every other mascot in the Midwest?
#13 Ohio State at Penn State
Bean: This should have been a down season for the goddamn Buckeyes! They replaced 4 starters on the O-line, their truckasaurus RB, their primary receiving threats, and lost back-to-back Big Ten Player of the Year Braxton Miller to injury 10 days before the season. SO, OF COURSE, THEY ARE BETTER THAN EVER AND ARE JUST NUKING EVERYONE THEY FACE (except Virginia Tech apparently). Buckeyes by I really hate this game
Castellano: The best thing all year… the Buckeye loss in early September. Bucknut Radio and their damn fans can’t discuss how they got cheated out of another championship. The Nittany Lions will give them a game but we will not see another Buckeye loss till Nov 8th.
Halfhill: It’s amazing that we live in a world where a nut and a made up beast can do battle on the gridiron. This matchup is truly the matchup of how nightmarish mascots can be. A giant anthropomorphic nut vs a “Lion” that looks like it’s only been washed with the tears of sad little boys. I suppose that is fair given that it’s Penn State’s mascot. I pick the Nuts to take this one.
Bean will pay a healthy commission to anyone who will make more like this.
#3 Ole Miss at #24 LSU
Bean: If you had told me two months ago that the Rebels were highly favored in Death Valley I would have laughed. And probably sworn a bit, too, but that’s how it is! LSU needs to find a QB if they’re gonna finish above .500 in the SEC this fall. They don’t have one now. So Ole Miss it is.
Castellano: Rebel me this Rebel me that who is afraid of a big bad cat? NO ONE for at least a few more weeks. Rebels win.
Halfhill: I think it’s time for an upset. Ole Miss should go in and beat the Tigers in Death Valley, but I’m looking for LSU to stand firm at home. The Rebels lose by a field goal.
Honest props to Peyton Manning for his new record. It was only 3 years ago it seemed his career was over!
San Diego Chargers at Denver Broncos
Bean: Did you hear that Payton Manning set the TD pass record last weekend, Ryan? Wasn’t sure you heard. Did you see that? Against the 49ers? Yeah? Cool. Gimmie you coach now, please. Somehow I also think the Chargers win this one. Chargers by 6
Castellano: I bet a six pack and a Bronco jersey that Ryan watched last week’s game. These two teams will split this season with each winning their home game. The Charge “D” will suck. Rivers will cry. Denver runs away with a win because of their Orange Crush Defense.
Halfhill: In a world where the Niners got stomped last week by the Broncos, I could be petulant, and pick the Bolts to win this week. But… I just don’t see that happening. Oliver will get eaten up by the Bronco’s run D, and the resurgent Rivers just doesn’t have enough weapons to make it happen. I’ll take the Broncos, by twice as many beers as I owe Dave.
Fan art is a weird sort of art.
Philadelphia Eagles at Arizona Cardinals
Bean: Are these two the best teams in the NFC not named the Dallas Cowboys? I think so. I also think the world has gone completely crazy this fall. Can I interest you gentlemen in some talk about the Barclay’s Premier League talk? (Go Chelsea!) Cardinals by 4
Castellano: San Francisco and Kansas City may disagree, but this is the best game of the week! Even with AZ ties, I am going with Eagles. The Cardinal defense has too many injuries to stop this juggernaut of an offense. “Insert AZ QB here” will get hurt and make mistakes trying to catch up.
Halfhill: I have to say this game is definitely the one to watch. I do expect the eventual implosion of the Arizona Cardinals, but this is not the week. Palmer looks pretty good since his return, and he has weapons at his disposal past old man Fitzgerald. Foles hasn’t lived up to the luster of last season, and I have to take the Cards by a TD.
Alex Bean
A life-long Midwesterner, currently living and working in Chicago. Primarily writes here about television and film (which is what he accrued crushing debt to study in school), but will write about books, sports, video games, or whatever else strikes his fancy. He's the one who thinks baseball is really boring.
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