Author: -J.

I’m going to lay it out there: I’m focusing on the Western Conference today, primarily on the Central division. It’s not because I’m biased, but… well, okay, I am a little biased. But that’s not why my focus is on the Central. Look at the standings.

See the Eastern Conference standings? Boring. Eight teams are very solidly in the playoff hunt; the other eight teams would need pucks made of four-leaf clovers to join them. The best chance for a surprise is if the Florida Panthers can make up seven points in the standings versus the Boston Bruins.

In other words, Luongo would have to beat the Bruins for this to happen.

But the Western Conference is a series of rollercoasters when it comes to the standings — a veritable Wild West, if you will. And the Central division is the posse where all the gunslingers have a shot at the playoffs. Since this is a Chicago-centric publication, we naturally start with the men from the United Center.

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There’s a sidewalk sandwich board that appeared out of nowhere near the D’Agostino’s on Addison. It offers up the services of the “Southport Psychic” for a low introductory price.

My initial thought was to wonder from whence this mysterious sign appeared. But then I thought, maybe I could use some of this psychic stuff to seem like a brilliant hockey prognosticator. Not that I want to pay anybody to say some words and make predictions for me. I could probably do this myself, right? Right.

My first prediction is that Pierrre McGuire will know exactly where you played junior/college hockey — even if you’ve never played hockey.

I found a dusty old deck of tarot cards I didn’t know I had, so now I’m going to plumb its mystical depths to make insightful readings for each division. I can already envision my future as a highly-paid giver of predictions and hot takes… [Read more…]

And BREATHE.

Today marks the start of the All-Star break, something we haven’t seen in three years (because of the Olympics and the strike). Honestly, I can’t say that I missed it. Sure, the skills competition is fun, and while it isn’t as pointless as the NFL’s Pro Bowl, it’s still a glorified exhibition game squeezed for all the dollars (Canadian or U.S.) that can be wrung from it.

A lot of teams need this break. Injuries are piling up, energy is flagging, and teams are looking dazed. It’s the perfect time to stop and take a look around, see what else is happening besides hockey. Hey, wasn’t there some pageant recently?

Oh. Um, Miss Canada, I presume?

On second thought, I guess we can’t escape hockey, even when it’s on vacation. [Read more…]

With the season half over, awards predictions have kicked into high gear. One of the popular topics in recent seasons has been how much consideration goalies should get for the Hart Trophy. After all, they already have their own award (the Vezina).

Pekka Rinne is bringing up the argument again this year, as he’s one of the biggest reasons behind Nashville’s ascendance to the top of the Central Division. All goalies are important to their team’s place in the standings, but is it fair to… what’s that?

That doesn’t look good…

Turns out that hockey writers might be spared the discussion this year, as Rinne will now be out 3-5 weeks. But Nashville is far from the only team who is now worriedly looking at their netminder. [Read more…]

I think it’s fair to say that, so far, this year sucks.

Even before the awful news of recent days, 2015 was already feeling like more of the same 2014-ness, but re-warmed in a microwave with a broken ‘defrost’ function. On top of that, after making a few too many mumps jokes at the NHL’s expense, I started the year by catching a nasty winter virus.

While in the throes of this seasonal plague, I awoke one morning to my phone making noise. I thought it was the alarm I’d set. Instead, it was a notification from the NHL app that Randy Carlyle had been fired by the Toronto Maple Leafs. I assumed this was merely a fever dream, laughing until I was wracked by a spasm of coughing.

Wait a minute… this is no dream.

In pain, I realized it was all real, and I cough-laughed some more. And then I got some water. [Read more…]

The Winter Classic kicked off the 2015 half of the NHL season. We’ve seen a few surprises in 2014 — the Sabres aren’t in the bottom two, the Flames are currently a playoff team, and the mumps can’t stop the Ducks — and now we look into the new year.

How will the playoff spots shakeout by the time the season ends? Here’s one set of possibilities, from an inexpert prognosticator (i.e., me). [Read more…]