2014’s been a busy year! Because of this, we’re looking back on things we did or didn’t like in the year, as well as looking forward to what has already gotten us excited for 2015. This is the second part of the series, where we talk about the things in 2014 that absolutely drove us up a wall.
Welcome to the Addison Recorder‘s football Pick ‘Em column. Each week Alex and a guest writer will predict the outcome of the most intriguing games on the slate. He will try to be as expert as possible, but we make no guarantees for his guests.
It’s rivalry week, so we’re bringing back the guy who has a standing slap bet with Bean about the outcome of The Game between Michigan and Ohio State. Bean deeply regrets this bet placed five years ago, by the way. (Travis holds no such regrets.)
Bean knows just how you feel, Marcus Hall.
Bean: What’s left to say? This game in Columbus is the end of the Brady Hoke era at Michigan. It has been four years of ridiculous and stupid football. I will not miss it. May next year bring a coach who can…actually coach. This game? On Saturday? Oh, fuck. It will be a slaughter. Last year’s edition looked that way, too, and became an instant-classic decided on a failed two-point conversion with seconds left. That ain’t happening in Columbus. Buckeyes by 
.
Travis: Oh, the joys that come with slapping another man full in the face. The thrill of the moment. The tension of the wind-up. The sudden uncertainty that besets you as your wayward limb begins its acceleration and ascent – what if I miss? The rush of blood that comes as your hand reaches full extension, fingers splayed, the realization that yes, this slap will happen, and it will be good. The blow. The aftermath, falling away in triumph as your opponent collapses into a whimpering pile. The august joy of victory. Oh, this is a glorious thing. Buckeyes by a Bear Flipping a Table. ʕ•ᴥ•ʔノ ︵ ┻━┻ [Read more…]
We’re a little freaked out that it’s almost 2015. The decade is half over! To try and make sense of time passing the Recorder staff is going to write about their favorite stuff from the past 5 years in a few installments between now and the end of the year. This month we’ll geek out about the best games (however our staff defines “games”) that have been played by us or others since 2010. [Read more…]
Welcome to the Addison Recorder‘s football Pick ‘Em column. Each week Alex and a guest writer will predict the outcome of the most intriguing games on the slate. He will try to be as expert as possible, but we make no guarantees for his guests.
This week we’re joined by Bean’s once and future cabinet-mate at Groupon, John Gramila. He said he might use augury for his predictions, so watch out. [Read more…]
Welcome to the Addison Recorder‘s football Pick ‘Em column. Each week Alex and a guest writer will predict the outcome of the most intriguing games on the slate. He will try to be as expert as possible, but we make no guarantees for his guests.
This week he is joined by Ryan Halfhill and David Castellano, who are in a fantasy football league with Bean. (Editor’s Note: <runs for the hills> – Travis) (Editor’s Note: <run for your life!> -Bruce Dickinson)
No one thinks that Paul Bunyan will be leaving East Lansing.
Bean: I don’t wanna talk about it. Spartans by JUST FUCKING FIRE HOKE AND BRANDON ALREADY!
Castellano: Like the rest of college football, I am still looking for a sport to enjoy on Saturday, but If I need to pick a winner in a blowout…. Condoms (Spartans)… by a load!
Halfhill: Normally, I’d say there needs to be someone to play devil’s advocate, but there is no way that I see the Rabid Woodchucks pulling off an upset in this one. Spartans by 16. That accounts for a SAFETY. [Read more…]
Welcome to the Addison Recorder‘s football Pick ‘Em column. Each week Alex and a guest writer will predict the outcome of the most intriguing games on the slate. He will try to be as expert as possible, but we make no guarantees for his guests.
Before we begin, let me say that after last weekend, rationality no longer applies to college football this seasons. When 11 of the top 25 teams in the country, including those ranked #’s 2, 3, 4, 6, and 8 all lose together then chaos truly reigns. No one knows anything. Least of all me, your wildly inaccurate host. So, with Travis joining me again for the pick ‘em this week, we decided to use a criteria that Katy Perry would appreciate: how dreamy the quarterback for each team is.
Auburn’s Nick Marshall (Image via)
The marquee match-up this week, then, is a showdown between Auburn’s Nick Marshall and Mississippi State’s Dak Prescott. Makes this a pretty easy call, personally. Nick Marhsall’s not a bad looking fella, but he’s no Dak. Look at that square jaw! Those smiling eyes! He even pulls off the chin stubble. Bulldogs by 10.
Mississippi State’s Dak Prescott
Huh. This is our gimmick this week? Welp, okay.
Are you kidding? He’s got a neck that most closely resembles a redwood. Are redwoods attractive? I THINK NOT. Auburn by 10.
WELCOME TO THE DARKNESS
Welcome to the Addison Recorder‘s football Pick ‘Em column. Each week Alex and a guest writer will predict the outcome of the most intriguing games on the slate. He will try to be as expert as possible, but we make no guarantees for his guests.
Wet dog = victorious cat. LOGIC
At the top of this article is Big Ten commissioner Jim Delany being interviewed by ESPN. Look into his eyes. They see nothing. There is no future. The past is only pain. Delany is only in the present and the present is The Darkness. Everything is The Darkness. This week’s picks from Alex are inspired by The Darkness. They will be expressed via gifs & images from The Darkness’s favorite TV show: Hannibal. All gifs via Tumblr.
To wit, this is a game between Nebraska, who are lead by Bo Pellini’s cat, and a bunch of faux-Spartans who are the best and most morally defensible football team in the state of Michigan right now. THE CAT SHALL TRIUMPH BY 5. [Read more…]
Welcome to the Addison Recorder‘s football Pick ‘Em column. Each week Alex and a guest writer will predict the outcome of the most intriguing games on the slate. He will try to be as expert as possible, but we make no guarantees for his guests.
Sad Urban Meyer eats the lukewarm pizza of woe. (Image via)
An all-Ohio showdown! It’s reached the point where I prefer talking about this to discussing Michigan’s chances of retaining the Little Brown Jug.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The Buckeyes have already suffered an upset at home at the hands of a Virginia Tech team that subsequently lost their next two games. OSU whipped some cupcake the next week, but this is team is not the Death Star its immediate predecessors were. Cincinnati has unleashed new QB Gunner Kiel in their first two games to the tune of 689 yards and 10 TDs. <thinks about Michigan’s passing stats across four games and then dies> Anyway, The Bearcats will blitz like crazy and try to hit a lot of big pass plays. Ohio State will runrunrun and try not to get behind the chains or implode in the secondary. This week, I think they fail to do so. Why? To quote the Bible “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,’ says the Lord.” Bearcats by 10
As a former Columbus resident who used to live a little too close to campus, I am not normally inclined to side with Buckeyes fans, as they are the worst. That said, my family still lives close to campus and I don’t want their cars to be set on fire, which would surely happen if the Buckeyes lost to Cincinnati. Here’s hoping for a win for Ohio State by 7. [Read more…]
The end of the last game was visual metaphor for the entire program. (Image via)
So far this football season I have gone 9-10 in my weekly football prediction column for The Recorder. In the two fantasy football leagues I have a team in I have gone 2-4. Clearly I have some strong opinions about this sport, but am sorely lacking when it comes to successfully converting those opinions into success. Fortunately, there is no blow-back to my mediocrity except some mild bruises to my ego. Such is unfortunately not the case with Dave Brandon and Brady Hoke, the Athletic Director and Head Coach who have overseen the final death and obsolescence of Michigan football as I have known it my entire life. [Read more…]
Welcome to the Addison Recorder‘s football Pick ‘Em column. Each week Alex and a guest writer will predict the outcome of the most intriguing games on the slate. He will try to be as expert as possible, but we make no guarantees for his guests.
Utah at Michigan did not go Bean’s way in 2008. (Image via)
This game is asking for my tears. Michigan has beaten a couple terrible teams with some authority, but got shut out for the first time since the first Reagan administration in their last game against Notre Dame. Utah, meanwhile, is coming off a very unlucky 5-7 season dictated by injuries and has destroyed the first two cupcakes on their schedule. I live in great fear of this game. I can already see Utah blitzing Devin Gardner into mistakes and getting enough big plays to walk out of Ann Arbor with a win. If this game was being played in Salt Lake City I would easily predict Utah. As is…<vomits>…Michigan by 3. [Read more…]
