The Academy Awards Live Blog…by Andrew and Company

TWENTY-FIFTH

Sorry. that was just way too surprising.

The way Jack Nicholson says “Amour” is beautiful.

Argo wins Best Picture. Travis takes ten hard-earned dollars from me. And…I have no problem with this. There were three/four better movies this year, but this film is going to be studied better and more in years to come…and why is Kristen Stewart sitting behind Spielberg?…and Affleck, who does not get played off…I’m sorry, he is so humble, and he is an outstanding director who ranks with Bigelow…who wore the dress everyone should have worn tonight…

The final number: MacFarlane and Chenoweth sing about the losers. It’s very astounding that they never cut to the audience (who might be leaving) and I still think that Lincoln and Zero Dark Thirty should have WAY MORE OSCARS than they did. But that’s for posterity.

Good night, everybody!

TWENTY-FOURTH

The amount of handgagging gojng on here is astounding.

Jean Dujardin, handsome and charming, gives Best Actress to…well, Wallis’s fist-pumping is award-worthy in itself…but  it is Jennifer Lawrence, tripping up the stairs and getting a standing ovation, and she hyperventilates and can’t even give a speech. She is only 22. Remember that!

Meryl Steep comes out, picking at the butt of her dress. and speaks some words which mean nothing but she makes anything sound like Shakespeare. Joaquin Phoenix is chewing gum.

Daniel Day-Lewis becomes the first three-time Best Actor winner ever. Beautiful kiss from Rebecca Miller. And now he just made the entire world laugh. “I had actually been committed to play Margaret Thatcher.” He’s funny, he’s a genius, “the mysterious mind, body, and spirit of Abraham Lincoln.” I love this man. Why doesn’t he host the Oscars?

Jack Nicholson, the icon of icons, comes out and does his usual Jack Nicholson…AND THEN MICHELLE OBAMA JOINS NICHOLSON IN INTRODUCING THE BEST PICTURE NOMINEES. HOW ON EARTH IS THIS POSSIBLE?

 

TWENTY-THIRD

A China Syndrome reunion. Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas, and we are debating over the validity of Jane Fonda. They’re giving Best Director. Ang Lee wins his second Oscar for Life of Pi. And now I need to see this movie…Ang Lee has won three Oscars without ever directing a Best Picture-winning film. I am a giant Ang Lee fan, but it continues to amaze me that no love has been shown for Lincoln. Even more that the greatest movies of the year have been ignored by the Academy.

TWENTY-SECOND

Dustin Hoffman and Charlize Theron, a very odd couple, come out to give the Writing Oscars.

YOU STUPID  HOW DO YOU GIVE THE BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY TO ANYBODY BUT TONY KUSHNER YOU SONS OF!?!?!?!?!

Man, that did not even sound like me.

And then Quentin Tarantino wins Best Original Screenplay. How did that happen? That was the most fun movie of the year…and we are all more concerned over what his tie is made out of…and Tarantino sounds like he was drunk. I love it. Almost makes up for Terrio, who won for a great screenplay which was only the third-best adapted screenplay of the year.

TWENTY-FIRST

What are Louie Anderson and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar doing high-diving off the board?

The cast of Chicago comes out for Best Original Score.

You needed to be hear when they opened the envelope and Zellweger couldn’t read it. The winner is Mychael Danna for Life of Pi.

This is the stupidest thing ever: they want to do a musical number-related Oscars but they only allow Adele to sing her song and Hugh Jackman to sing part of “Suddenly.” Except Norah Jones who gets to sing from the host’s nominated movie. She has a magnificent 1960s style going, in keeping with the vibe of “Everybody Needs a Best Friend.” Skyfall‘s title theme becomes the first of the legendary Bond themes to win an Academy Award. Adele is a sobbing little woman…and it feels so genuine that I cannot complain.

TWENTIETH

George Clooney comes out for the “In Memoriam” segment and all I can see is the beard. I love that “Out of Africa” is the background music. Andrew Sarris is the greatest loss…except Nora Ephron. We love the clip from Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and I weep at Chris Marker. Streisand walks out for Marvin Hamlisch and Alex and Becky groan to wake the dead. But “The Way We Were” is still a gorgeous song.

“This is boring.” – John

NINETEENTH

I did not blog about the Peanuts commercial because we talked all the way through it. This saddens me.

Nicole Kidman comes out to introduce the final Best Picture nominees. I liked that they called Silver Linings Playbook an instant classic, which it is. I love how they showed Amber Tamblyn’s cameo in Django, hate that they showed the entire movie in the Silver Linings clips. The Amour clips are well chosen.

Why is Kristen Stewart limping? And why, as Meg points out, does she have bedhead? She and Daniel Radcliffe give Best Production Design to Lincoln. We thought it would go to Anna Karenina or Les Mis, and as we point out if Life of Pi had won, it would have been an acknowledgement of “Best Boat Ever.”

Salma Hayek should have punched MacFarlane in the balls.

This is the least impressive lifetime achievement class in years. D. A. Pennebaker is a supreme genius…but Kristen Stewart watching George Stevens, Jr. is as bizarre as playing Jurassic Park‘s theme during the Katzenberg acceptance.

EIGHTEENTH

“A man so respected that it doesn’t matter his name sounds like a Russian guy sneezing.”

EMERSON COLLEGE represented!

Sandra Bullock has a nice dry monologue giving the Oscar for Best Editing. Argo wins, in keeping with what is historically the one great correlation with Best Picture. William Goldenberg, who also co-edited ZDT, wins, and they focus a lot on Affleck giving the Oscar.

Jennifer Lawrence, whose dress was billowing more than I thought, introduces Adele. And Adele kills “Skyfall.” No surprise. She has the greatest voice of our generation, and she rocks as hard as Bassey did in ’64. I want to see her tour America.

SEVENTEENTH

Chris Pine and Zoe Saldana introduce the scientific and technical awards. As Meg says, “I liked her better when she was blue.”

“You guys made some beautiful, some inspiring movies. I made Ted. My movie is in Redboxes in front of grocery stores being urinated on by bums.”

Ted and Mark Wahlberg do a monologue whose total humor comes from the teddy bear talking in this movie. Les Miserables wins Best Sound.

“I was born Theodore Shapiro and I will give money to Israel and I want to work in Hollywood forever.” SO DAMN AWKWARD. And Sound Editing has the first tie since 1968! Paul Ottoson has won the first Oscar, for Zero Dark Thirty, and he looks like the cinematographer, and so does the guy from Skyfall! We now all agree that Stewart left so he could correct these Oscars.

Christopher Plummer is here to give Best Supporting Actress. I love this man. Dignified as ever. And Anne Hathaway wins the Oscar she should have won five years ago. “It came true…” and as John points out, “I would marry a woman who has a haircut like that.” I have always been a Hathaway fan. Indeed, we agreed that it is impossible to dislike Anne Hathaway. Considering she gave a definitive performance as Fantine, so deserved.

SIXTEENTH

Chastain and Garner are a vision of gorgeousness as they come out to the Cinema Paradisio theme. They are presenting the Best Foreign Film award. Michael Haneke wins for the magnificent Amour, and he has no conception of English but is completely charming. “My wife of thirty years is my crew…I would be nothing without her.”

I love that Travolta walks out to the Hairspray music. And as soon as he introduces the tribute to Oscar-winning musicals, Alex runs for the beers. Catherine Zeta-Jones seems not to have aged in the eleven years since Chicago and she still hits all the notes in “All That Jazz.” Jennifer Hudson, much, much lighter than she was seven years ago, kills “And I am Telling You I’m Not Going.” What’s annoying me is that only one singer at a time is performing and this is supposed to be a grand celebration. Alex thinks the best part of Les Mis is Javert’s suicide. They are finally performing “One More Day” on stage the way it’s meant to be…ONE DAY MORE! The way  it’s meant to be, the entire cast singing all six melodies simultaneously. I love this…and Alex is getting PTSD. Daniel Day-Lewis and Steven Spielberg were clapping.

FIFTEENTH

Tommy Lee Jones doesn’t win his second Oscar so he gets to do Ameriprise commercials.

Kerry Washington and Jamie Foxx present Best Live Action Short, and Jamie Foxx is trying to be cool and intimidating but forgetting his lines.It goes to a film called Curfew and the winner uses the word “incredible” a lot. Very nice, very sincere. Best Short Documentary is Inocente. We don’t now these films, so the entertainment value comes from Alex complaining that he didn’t pick them in his pool and Andrea Nix Fine’s dress with the trailing black strips.

An Irishman is apparently “the greatest American superhero.” And LIAM NEESON INTRODUCES THE BEST PICTURE NOMINEE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO STAR IN, along with Argo and Zero Dark Thirty. The clips from these films are magnificently selected.

“I feel like we’re six months away from having to call him Benjamin Affleck” is a great line. The Kardashian joke and the Chastain joke fall horribly flat. We’re agreeing that MacFarlane is hateable.

Ben Affleck presents Best Documentary. I apologize that I can’t talk about his speech but we were debating what it would be like if they combined Best Actor and Best Actress into one category. (We agreed men would win all the time.) Searching for Sugar Man wins. And we further agree that South Africans may have the best accent in the world.

FOURTEENTH

Jennifer Aniston and Channing Tatum are giving Best Costume Design and Best Makeup. And I am realizing that Aniston is a star who technically has never made a good movie. They present Best Costume Design to Anna Karenina, and they can’t even announce the winner right! As Alex points out, the award is not for Best Costume Design but MOST Costume Design. Rob wonders why Tron: Legacy was not nominated.

Best Makeup and Hairstyling is for Les Miserables. No surprise there. The winner is in pink tights, and they made Anne Hathaway look ugly.

Why is the Bond Girl from the worst Bond movie ever introducing the 50th Anniversary Tribute to 007? She has an Oscar, but still…also, I can barely hear any of the broadcast because we all are talking through it.

They showed Diana Rigg. And Shirley Eaton in gold. AND The Living Daylights car! And now…Shirley Bassey sings “Goldfinger” and it is beautiful. “For some reason, this song reminds me of The Grinch.” – Rob

“Facebook is asking before what we were most looking forward to: the Bond Tribute? The Musical Tribute? MacFarlane? And I was, none of them! I want you to honor the good movies!” Alex

THIRTEENTH

Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy…who would have thought she would have the best post-Gilmore Girls career? And John Travolta is still damn handsome. And these voices are incredibly awkward…this is the most awkward Oscars ever. It turns out they were introducing Best Animated Short. And it’s PAPERMAN! I am delighted that this lovely little tale won the Oscar. John Kahrs is a very gracious man.

Brave won Best Animated Feature, and the winner is in a kilt! The male winner…always happy to see a female director win awards. I would have preferred Wreck-It Ralph, but Pixar is the studio of studios. Awkward for the original director who got fired to be up there.

Witherspoon, charming, introduces the first set of clips for the BP nods. Les Miserables  shows a clip which gives away the ending. Then we cut to Life of Pi and Beasts of the Southern Wild…two movies in a row about people on boats!

Wallis is amazingly cute.

Five Avengers, minus Thor and Black Widow. And no Loki…which upsets all the women I know. They do some shtick which we talk through and then give Best Cinemtaography to Life of Pi, Claudio Miranda, who also shot the magnificent The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and has the most magnificent head of silver hair, a gypsy and Leon Russell.

Ava just sent me some stats. The median Oscar age is 62, 94% are Caucasian, 77% are male.

I want The Avengers to win Best Visual Effects, but Life of Pi takes it.

Alex just pumped his fist in the air at Becky’s suggestion that next year they’ll do a tribute to Westerns.

The winners for Life of Pi told a pretty funny joke which simply didn’t land.

The playing-off music is the Jaws theme, then The Magnificent Seven when they cut off the mike! Somebody has a sense of humor.

TWELFTH

Samuel L. Jackson is in a red velvet tux! Beautiful.

Seth MacFarlane lands his opening joke, and he somehow looks like the entire history of leading men through film history. Affleck’s a bit perturbed, but MacFarlane is killing this opening monologue.

Roman Coppola looks so much like his dad it’s crazy.

“I want him to stop talking.” Meg

Jennifer Lawrence has the reaction of the night in her head in hands.

William Shatner telling MacFarlane the show is not going fine. “Why can’t Tina and Amy host everything?”

“We Saw Your Boobs” is the most horrid, tasteless joke ever…especially since it included a very oblique, tasteless rape joke.

Shatner is better than MacFarlane right now.

Tatum and Theron are not Fred and Ginger…and the entire sequence was terribly executed.

How many other people are equally convinced that the entire point of the opening sequence is being defeated by showing all the horrible clips?

Okay…if they were just doing these musical numbers without the horrible jokes in the middle, this would be great. MacFarlane, Gordon-Levitt, and Radcliffe (who is damn tiny) are suave as hell.

Oh man…The Flying Nun gag was brilliant for the first second but then sinks into horridness…then it got incredibly awesome again, with Smokey and the Bandit and “Amy Adams ran up and grabbed it. She bit a guy!”

First award is Best Supporting Actor, and Octavia Spencer looks really damn classy.

“It will be so weird if Robert De Niro’s Oscars are Godfather Part II-The Deer Hunter-Silver Linings Playbook” – Alex

It SHOULD be Phillip Seymour Hoffman. It should.

CHRISTOPH WALTZ HAS WON TWO STRAIGHT OSCARS FOR TWO STRAIGHT QUENTIN TARANTINO MOVIES!!!!

And now, I have to throw all my conventional wisdom out the window.

I am so happy to hear Reginald Hudlin thanked, and to see that Waltz is so nervous and quoting his own speeches from Django. And seeing a confused Jack Nicholson makes it even more worth it.

ELEVENTH

Okay, we are now talking about the Cher-Bob Mackie peacock outfit in 1985. And you are going to hear from me again after the opening number.

TENTH

Anne Hathaway’s dress has an amazing back, but her front is working serious nipple action.

The Oscar Mystery is Dorothy’s shoes. Big Whoop.

Jamie Foxx looks sharp.

Daniel Day-Lewis is in a midnight blue tux which makes Meg squeal and Rebecca Miller is in a gorgeous and classy dress. “Daniel Day-Lewis never looks comfortable in his own skin. His internal monologue is ‘this is how humans act.'” Alex We all agree that Rebecca Miller is gorgeous.

Kristen Stewart’s dress apparently is levitating half an inch off her body.

2012 is, with 2007, the best year for movies in my lifetime. Neil Meron and Craig Zadan look devilishly handsome. (Non sequitur.) I saw six of the best movies I’ve ever seen in 2012…no matter what wins Best Picture, it was a real victory.

NINTH

I just heard from one of our resident friends who is IN Los Angeles, Ava Ferguson (also MAPH ’10): “Jennifer Lawrence’s dress is the dress you wear on the day you become a queen.”

Halle Berry’s dress is shiny and ugly, but Jennifer Garner looks great in purple and Adele looks stunning…I think it is impossible for Adele to look bad. She is a beautiful woman, with a billion-dollar smile, and she always finds clothes which suit her. George Clooney has a beard like nobody’s business, and as Alex points out, he has been nominated in almost every category you can get nominated in. Stacy Keibler is channeling Katharine Hepburn and I like it.

Sandra Bullock has a nice crystal flower in her hair. And right now we are up in arms over Sandra Bullock’s merits.

EIGHTH

We’re now in the midst of the Oscar Threesome debate…and it turns out the Oscars are not on for 45 more minutes! I am going to put this on hold for a bit until the show begins…although I wish all of you could be here as Alex defines why we watch the Oscars. They mean nothing, but they get people talking about the quality of films and even though the ceremony doesn’t do this, they celebrate the year’s films to a tee.

“Remember, Baz Luhrmann is straight.” – Alex

Chris Evans also brought his mom. And Robert De Niro brought his gorgeous wife. I love how they need to put a caption under Robert De Niro, as if people don’t know who he is.

We’re all a bit put out that the Oscars are not happening yet, but we’re having a great time together! And isn’t that the point?

“I keep seeing the posters for Once Upon a Time and seeing the large word Once and thinking it’s the movie, but nobody from the movie is in it.” – Alex

 

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SEVENTH

Apparently the Oscars are not starting yet, so I’m still doing pregame. We are commenting on Becky’s ability to sculpt with sugar and the preponderance of strapless dresses, including the bizarre cut around Naomi Watts’s breast.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is somebody everybody just likes.

It still amazes me watching the view on Hollywood Boulevard thinking how many times I walked past it, how many wonderful movies I got to see there.

“Here’s a montage, sponsored by Google!” J. (Although it included Robert De Niro speaking my favorite line of 2012: “When the universe reaches out to you with a woman like that, it’s a sin if you don’t reach back.”

Here’s a thought: WHEN Daniel Day-Lewis wins tonight, he will be the FIRST actor ever to win an Oscar for a Spielberg movie. By comparison, Sir David Lean directed three Oscar-winning performances, Martin Scorsese five, and William Wyler fourteen. (Wyler is one of Spielberg’s heroes: Spielberg once showed up unannounced at Wyler’s house early in his career, just to say hello, and Wyler invited him in for two hours to talk movies.)

Jacki Weaver, you are rocking that boa as much as Bradley Cooper is rocking that smirk. That is NOT Jacki Weaver but Bradley Cooper’s actual mom.

Alex is now telling my favorite story of his, about the girl in his class who wrote a paper on The Proposition: “In the end, The Proposition suggests that good people will do bad things, bad people will do unspeakable things, and we’re all going to die in the end anyway. I don’t know how to handle that.” Alex gave her an A.

We’re sitting around drinking wine and talking about dogs. We’re late 20s-early 30s.

Nicole Kidman has continually looked more beautiful since she got hitched with Keith Urban. Leaving Tom Cruise was the best thing she ever did. Sometimes you need to get out of a relationship when it’s time. (Man, what am I doing being so philosophical?)

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SIXTH

This blog had to take a break because we were guessing the final cupcakes. Somehow Becky created a spun sugar microphone for The King’s Speech, and now we are all crazy AND happy to be here. The next post will come after the opening number…going to gauge many thoughts and reactions.

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FIFTH

Amanda Seyfried has a very fantastic neckline.

We are now at a critical mass of guests: J. and Steph (who brought her fabulous guacamole) are here, and so are Meryl (who wisely came on a name tag) and Kevin. So now we are all at the random, crazy, everybody introduces all at once.

Quevenzhane. Think I finally got it.

There are still few cooler people than Steve McQueen…except Richard Burton! Who just popped up with Liz in a Cleopatra clip. Anyone who gets Burton attention is damn fine in my book.

“Zoey loves cheese. If she’s bugging you, don’t give her cheese.” Becky

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FOURTH

How many people have noticed that the Oscars are about everything but the current cinema? They always need a theme, a hook, they never celebrate the year that just was and leave it at that. Especially when the year is as fantastic as 2012.

And now Kristin Chenoweth is hosting. She is adorable, as Meg (who also comments that Mr. Day-Lewis is dead sexy) seconds me on.

Alex is weighing in on how Amour, Django Unchained, and Zero Dark Thirty are all masterpieces. (I agree up to a point.) He doesn’t give Silver Linings or Argo the credit I do…and the credit, he points out, the Oscars voters are giving it. Maybe I’m more centric than I’d like to admit.

The one thing I don’t want to see is Argo winning Best Adapted Screenplay. Alex thinks it will…but I’m not hopeful. I want Tony Kushner, one of America’s best writers, to win.

“Channing Tatum is just Jimmy Kimmel and Daniel Craig put together.” Stewart

They keep interviewing the same people over and over again.

Nice look there for Eddie Redmayne.

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THIRD

Meg and Rob show up during the commercial break. Two of our favorite people. He’s a lawyer, she’s in HR, but he is a man of many varied talents and she sews and crafts like nobody’s business (megthegrand.blogspot.com) and they are both incredibly witty. Right now, he has decided that Becky’s The Wizard of Oz cupcake represents Zero Dark Thirty, the controversial scene of the house falling on Bin Laden, and she is proclaiming in her usual giant of a voice that Jennifer Lawrence is sexy (an opinion I agree with) and now we are laughing at the tape of Alex and Travis as “Louis and the Blowfish” (an imitation of Louis Armstrong singing “I Only Wanna Be With You”

I was trying to figure out an analogue for Jennifer Lawrence’s 2012 and came up with Julie Christie in 1965: Oscar-winning, I think, role in quirky indie film (The Silver Linings Playbook-Darling) and leading role in giant blockbuster (The Hunger Games-Doctor Zhivago).

Christopher Plummer brings class to any situation.

Meg: “You have red hair! Wear something green!”

Kerry Washington and Sally Field look darn fine in red.

Dan: “Amy and Tina are hosting, right? They kicked Seth out?” Alex: “Wouldn’t that be nice?”

Meg on Jennifer Lawrence’s dress: “THAT is a MERINGUE!”

(These people are way more fun that the idiots on ABC.)

 

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SECOND

Quvenzhane has a puppy purse!

Paul and Kerry, friends of Mr. Bean’s, are here now too. We are trying to figure out the BP nominees associated with a penguin, a life raft, and a guitar. PLEASE COMMENT.

Anne Hathaway’s short haircut compliments every dress she wears, including the Tom Ford one just mentioned. WHY doesn’t Tom Ford direct another movie? The Great Gatsby would have been more up his wheelhouse than Luhrmann’s.

 

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It is 5:30 PM, CST, and, having been marveling at our hostess’s cupcakes, I am sitting in Alex and Becky’s apartment to begin this blogging adventure as ABC commences its red carpet coverage. Right now, the assemblage is myself, Alex of course, his immensely talented wife whose ventures can and should be read at http://beckyandthebeanstalk.blogspot.com , and Stewart, one of the wittiest men I know.

THe first topic of conversation is how Jessica Chastain, for all her stunning beauty, is not always the sharpest dresser in the world…though tonight, the women are keeping it simple in pale or black dresses, Including Amy Adams, whom I realized is now up for her FOURTH nomination tonight.

The interviewer, one of the usual bland and faceless people ABC always sends out to not detract from the star power, has the first big chat with Channing “No-Neck” Tatum, Jenna Dewan, and “their newest production.” I had to groan as he pats her pregnant belly.

Good God, Amy Adams has ruffles galore, like a twisty/feathery wedding dress.

I am going to misspell Quevhzanhe Willis’s name so many times tonight, starting now, but her dress is fantastic…she looks like a fairy-tale princess.